


the combined difficulties of logic and human nerves

by revolutionnaire



Category: 20th Century CE RPF
Genre: 50 Sentences, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-24
Updated: 2010-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:11:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revolutionnaire/pseuds/revolutionnaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fifty separate sentences of bertrand russell/ludwig wittgenstein using prompts from the onesentence LJ community.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the combined difficulties of logic and human nerves

**01\. Motion**  
One of the most endearing things about Ludwig, Russell muses, is the way he tries to speak of the unspeakable with determined, almost frustrated, flourishes of his hands.  
  
 **02\. Cool**  
Ludwig's wrist is cold to the touch when Russell closes his hand around it-- "Dear lord, my good man, how long have you been waiting here for me?" Russell cries in dismay, but the question dies on his lips when he notices the blush creeping up Ludwig's cheeks.  
  
 **03\. Young**  
When the mysterious Ludwig Wittgenstein turns up at his doorstep unannounced, Russell is momentarily stunned, for he had not been expecting a boy, much less such a beautiful one, with eyes like a doe's and cheekbones that put Adonis to shame. [0](http://quinoline.livejournal.com/222917.html#0)  
  
 **04\. Last**  
Bertrand Russell really should hate Wittgenstein for bringing about the end of his studies in logic, but strangely, it is only relief he feels, not hatred.  
  
 **05\. Wrong**  
In a fit of guilt and embarrassment, Russell apologises for having written Ludwig so many letters, only to have Ludwig admonish him for ever thinking his letters were a burden-- "I spend my days whistling, walking, and waiting to hear from you," Ludwig says fiercely when they next meet.  
  
 **06\. Gentle**  
 _Best love, my dear Ludwig_ , Russell writes, then whispers it out loud because it just feels so right.   
  
 **07\. One**  
He is not the only man Ludwig has ever loved, Bertrand knows, in the same way Ludwig is not the only man he's ever loved, but he can only hope that he is the one Ludwig loved the most.  
  
 **08\. Thousand**  
Ludwig has told him a thousand times: "I am yours, ever yours, yours, yours, yours", yet there is a part of Russell that still cannot believe it.  
  
 **09\. King**  
Russell tells Ludwig the story of Alexander and of the lands he conquered, but he does not tell Ludwig that he has conquered so much more.  
  
 **10\. Learn**  
Although there are many things Russell learns about Ludwig Wittgenstein in his lifetime, the most important thing he's ever learned is the way Ludwig jerks, ever so slightly, before he falls asleep.  
  
 **11\. Blur**  
November passes in a blur of frenzied correspondence and impatient weeks as Russell counts down the days until he meets Ludwig again.   
  
 **12\. Wait**  
"I have waited so long to see you," Ludwig says suddenly and happily, reaching out a hand as though to run it down the side of Russell's face.  
  
 **13\. Change**  
"What did you think I meant," Ludwig asks, a mischievous smile playing about his lips, "when I began my letters to you with  _Lieber_?"   
  
 **14\. Command**  
The conductor that night is exquisite, and so is the orchestra and the concerto they are playing, but none more so exquisite than the rapturous look of uninhibited bliss that has settled on Ludwig's face.   
  
 **15\. Hold**  
"Ludwig, wait-- perhaps it would be better if you slept in my room tonight; it is so late already, and it is a long walk back to your quarters, and I... well, I would hate to see you come to any harm." [6](http://quinoline.livejournal.com/222917.html#6)  
  
 **16\. Need**  
Russell needs Ludwig, needs him like how Tycho had needed his Kepler, although where the intellectual need ends and the personal begins, Russell cannot tell, but he is sure of one thing: Kepler needed Tycho too.  
  
 **17\. Vision**  
Ludwig relies entirely on him for his self-worth, forever asking him if he is any good, if he is truly a genius or a mere idiot, if he should just give up right now and go back to Vienna to build airplanes—and Russell's answer is always the same: yes, yes you are a genius in every sense of the word, please do not go.   
  
 **18\. Attention**  
The Apostles lavish Ludwig with attention and shameless praise, just as Russell had predicted, and as the sudden angry snarl of jealous possessiveness tightens around his heart, he wonders selfishly if he had made a mistake in bringing Ludwig here.   
  
 **19\. Soul**  
"Galateus," he whispers, hating the reverence in his voice, because he can't help himself-- it springs forth from his mouth before he has the sense to force it back down, even though he knows that it's foolish and Ludwig would almost certainly laugh at him for it.   
  
 **20\. Picture**  
In his older days, the photograph becomes a comfort to him-- it is the only picture he has of him and Ludwig together, and it is infinitely precious.   
  
 **21\. Fool**  
His friends tell him he is a fool to lobby against the war, but Russell does not care because he would do anything - stand up against his beloved country, be thrown in jail, be labeled a fool - if it would bring Ludwig back.  
  
 **22\. Mad**  
It is driving him to madness, not knowing whether or not Ludwig -  _his_  Ludwig - is alive or dead.  
  
 **23\. Child**  
"My dear boy--" Russell begins, before Ludwig interrupts him with a shy whisper: "I like it ever so much when you call me that."  
  
 **24\. Now**  
The plump tomcat is a regular fixture on Wittgenstein's grave, much like the miniature ladder and dried rose petals, and it spends every lazy afternoon sprawled proudly on the warm stone slab, delicately rubbing its cheek against Wittgenstein's name.   
  
 **25\. Shadow**  
They say Bertrand Russell has become a shadow of his former self ever since meeting that devil Ludwig Wittgenstein, but Russell does not give a damn because shadows can only exist where there is light.  
  
 **26\. Goodbye**  
Saying goodbye to Ludwig before he is sent off to the trenches is quite possibly the most heart-breaking experience of Bertrand Russell's life.   
  
 **27\. Hide**  
Russell tries his best to remain cordial and casual towards Ludwig, but it is not so easy to calmly shake the hand of the man he spends almost all of his waking hours thinking about.  
  
 **28\. Fortune**  
Of all the brilliant minds in Cambridge, Ludwig has chosen him, and the very thought of it makes Russell's heart swell with pride.  
  
 **29\. Safe**  
He remembers the promise he made to himself when he first met Ludwig-- he would do anything in his power to keep him safe.  
  
 **30\. Ghost**  
Russell fears for Ludwig, because in his moments of darkness, Russell swears he sees the ghosts of the Wittgenstein family haunting Ludwig, their unrelenting grip on him tightening ever so slightly.   
  
 **31\. Book**  
Ludwig comes storming in, eyes wild, babbling on and on about Rumpelstiltskin and finally when he's done, he asks Russell what his favourite story is, and Russell swallows nervously and says,  _Pygmalion_. [ 13](http://quinoline.livejournal.com/222917.html#13)  
  
 **32\. Eye**  
It is after one of their spectacular rows that Russell realises, blinking back the moisture in his own eyes, that he had never seen his boy in tears, not before this.  
  
 **33\. Never**  
It does not shock Russell to read about Ludwig's death; he'd always known that Ludwig had been too good for this world.  
  
 **34\. Sing**  
"I never did have the great fortune of being the musical one in my family," Ludwig pauses to smile wistfully before he continues ,"Paul had one less hand than I, and yet he still played better than I ever-- " but Russell interrupts him before he can finish his sentence and murmurs, "But you have the most beautiful voice."  
  
 **35\. Sudden**  
Ludwig asks rather suddenly one day, "You do know I have great affection for you?", and in reply, Russell drops a kiss onto Ludwig's adorably furrowed brow, and says simply, "And I you, my dear."  
  
 **36\. Stop**  
Russell's heart stops dead in his chest when he reads Ludwig's farewell letter—a life without Ludwig, no matter how much more simple it would be, is unconceivable.   
  
 **37\. Time**  
"The hours I have spent in your room have been the happiest of my life," Ludwig confesses shakily, after what feels like an eternity of silence.   
  
 **38\. Wash**  
Ludwig stays absolutely still and lets Russell dab gently at the gash on his palm, a wound that had been the small price to pay for the bouquet of roses now sitting on Russell's desk.   
  
 **39\. Torn**  
"Everything is alright, Ludwig, please," Russell begs pathetically, his voice breaking with desperation.  
  
 **40\. History**  
It is the same damned cycle every single time – they fight, because Russell is insensitive and Ludwig is too sensitive, and then Ludwig's neuroticism gets the better of him and he comes crawling back, bubbling over with sobbing apologies, and Russell takes him back, appeases his worries – and yes, perhaps history does repeat itself after all, but Russell is sick of history.  
  
 **41\. Power**  
There is power in words, that's what Ludwig believes, and Russell knows it must be true the moment he whispers those three words and Ludwig's eyes fly open in surprise.  
  
 **42\. Bother**  
"These are beakers!" Russell exclaims incredulously when Ludwig brings out tea in what appears to be an entire chemistry set, to which Ludwig impatiently replies: "Yes, yes, teacups are not quite clean enough to serve tea in." [17](http://quinoline.livejournal.com/222917.html#17)  
  
 **43\. God**  
Bertrand Russell does not believe in a god, but lately he finds that he has begun to pray: please god, please keep him safe.  
  
 **44\. Wall**  
After a few seconds of incessant pounding at his door, Russell throws it open and Ludwig comes flying through the doorway in a flurry of skinny limbs, gathering Russell up in an embrace, and because it has been years since they last met, they hold each other for no less than five minutes before Russell pushes Ludwig up against the wall and kisses him.  
  
 **45\. Naked**  
Ludwig is beautiful, Russell realises as his breath catches painfully in his throat, so beautiful.  
  
 **46\. Drive**  
He contemplates the hours and hours he would have to travel to see Ludwig and is almost discouraged, but then he remembers Ludwig's painfully earnest words to him: "If I was on the other end of the world, and I  _could_  come to see you, I would."   
  
 **47\. Harm**  
Russell cannot help but feel that perhaps he is doing Ludwig more harm than good, and he wonders if it was his own greedy, selfish desires - for an heir and for the man who was to become his heir - that have led to Ludwig's downfall.   
  
 **48\. Precious**  
A sickening feeling of dread creeps into Russell's stomach as he watches Ludwig stalk out of his room and into the cold dark of the night, because Ludwig Wittgenstein is a gift, a rare treasure the world - and Russell - cannot afford to lose.  
  
 **49\. Hunger**  
"I am sorry, I am very sorry, but please, you must eat something," Russell pleads, but he is met only by stony silence.  
  
 **50\. Believe**  
It is only slightly tragic how his unwavering belief in Ludwig has cost him his belief in himself.


End file.
